Jocelyn: Okay, Jazzigals,
let's gather in for a warm-up!
Okay!
- Oh, before we start,
I just wanted warn everybody,
there is a murderer on the loose.
In this town.
- Uh-oh.
- So heads up, eyes peeled, guys.
Moira: Twyla, are you all right?
- I will be...
if I can get a few friends together this weekend
to catch this murderer.
Until then, it shall remain a mystery!
- Oh, I think I know where this is going!
- It's my murder mystery party this weekend.
- Oh, I see!
- Sorry if I scared anyone.
Jocelyn: I was scared you weren't gonna have it this year!
- John and I used to attend "Eyes Wide Shut" parties
at the Castros'.
Though I'm guessing your evening's activities
might be somewhat different.
- I don't know,
it can get pretty wild.
- Oh yeah, you never know how the evening's gonna end!
- Or when!
- Well, John and I would love to help you ensnare this maniac,
but we have plans this Saturday night.
- Oh well, the party's actually Friday.
- I had a 50/50 chance there.
- So you can come?
- Oh, I would be pleased to rsvp as...
pending.
Just, uh, as soon as I double check,
and circle back.
- Mhmm.
- Oh, this is gonna be so great!
♪ ♪
- 1 P.M., terrific.
Yeah, looking forward.
Bye.
- Did somebody book a room?
- Even better, someone might book a room.
- How is that better?
- A lot of people might book a room if this goes through.
- Okay, but you're still using the word "might."
- That was the Elm Glen Golf Club.
They wanna put together a package with us.
a weekend of golf,
and a stay at a luxurious motel.
- What motel is that?
- I'm gonna let them work out the verbiage,
but the upshot is this:
on a $250 dollar package,
a cool $40 goes into our pockets.
- That sounds like a better deal for them.
- Well, it's all about building bridges, Stevie.
But here's the thing,
even if this deal falls through,
we still get an afternoon on a golf course!
- "We?"
- This is a big day for us, Stevie!
- You know it's been three years
since I've played a round of golf?
- Yeah, um... golf's not really my thing.
Except there was this one point in high school
where I got this haircut that everyone said
made me look like I was in the LPGA.
- Well, listen, I'm sure you could use
an afternoon outdoors, okay?
Think of it as a team-building exercise.
- Okay.
I might even let you drive the cart.
- Can you drink on the cart? - Yeah.
- Well, I will get the "back in 15 minutes" sign.
- Well, it's gonna take longer than 15 minutes.
- You have to give people hope.
(Music plays, patrons chatter)
- So, Mrs. Rose,
I don't mean to pressure you,
but I am anxious to know--
- Understandably, yes, BLT please, no bread.
- Oh, I meant if you were coming
to the murder mystery party.
- Oh that, yes.
- Yes, you are?
- It's just that it's the end of the week Twyla,
so that's always chockablock.
And then there are the kids...
Well, both of them,
David, Alexis.
- Well, I know you're busy, I was just-I don't know,
I was just hoping you'd bring a little something
to the party.
- A touch of celebrity, perhaps.
- I was actually thinking bagel bites. - Ah!
- Did I mention it was a potluck?
- Oh, you most certainly did not.
- Well, I would ask someone else,
it's just that uh, so far no one is coming.
- No one's coming to your party?
- Well, in fairness, the party is still a few hours away,
and some people did say that if another thing
that's supposed to happen doesn't happen,
then they might be able to come.
So, that's good.
- So as of now you have no one on your guest list?
- Well, I shouldn't have said no one.
My mom will come,
and she'll probably bring whoever she's dating.
And he'll most likely bring some younger friend.
- Twyla, this is unacceptable!
There are myriad tactics to boost numbers at your party!
Well, you start by comping a few influential guests.
You'd be shocked at how many celebrities show up to a thing
with the promise of a free wagyu slider.
- I-I'm not charging anyone, this is just for fun.
- Oh, this is worse than I assumed!
How about a signature cocktail?
- I hadn't thought of that.
- Okay, shouldn't you be-- - Oh, yeah.
- Okay, we're going to start with follow-up.
You secure your VIP list,
and you work your way down from there.
(Birds chirp)
(Door slams)
- Hi. - Hi.
- Where's Stevie?
- Um, I don't know, but she will be back in 15 minutes.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just checking the mail.
Did you know that you can still get mail?
- Yes, I know about mail.
- No, but I'm talking about like mail mail.
Like a little man in a uniform,
with his satchel full of letters,
travelling door to door.
- Um, that's a mailman,
and he comes to your house, you pay him,
and he gives you your stuff.
- I think it's free delivery, David.
- I don't think so... - Mmm!
- How far into the 15 minutes do you think we are?
- Okay, don't take this the wrong way,
but you've just been kind of hanging around a lot lately,
which isn't a bad thing, - Mm-hmm...
- but it's also not a good thing.
- Yeah, um...
it's just that the town only has so many ex-boyfriends
to hand out secretary work.
- Um, first of all, David,
I am an assistant, not a secretary, - Oh.
- and second of all, Ted is not my ex-boyfriend,
he is ex-fiance.
And I'll have you know
that I might not be an assistant for much longer.
- What is this?
- It's Elmdale College. - Ooh.
Ted and I have been talking about me doing like,
an accounting course,
or an office management course,
but I think I can maybe broaden my horizons a bit.
- You've circled "Stars and Cosmology?"
- Oh yeah, I thought it said "Cosmetology."
Ugh!
- Can I just... for a sec?
- Here is Jocelyn's visor,
and her glove.
- Oh, uh, I don't think I'm gonna be playing,
but thanks.
- Okay, you know what, just in case you change your mind,
why don't I show you a few pointers?
I can do it right here on Johnny.
- Oh, I don't think so.
- I mean, a few pointers couldn't hurt.
- Oh, I- I don't think that necessary. - Here, come on, Jonathan.
- Okay, whoa. - Come on down.
Right there, let me see your stance,
what do you got goin' here?
- Well, the setup is very important, Stevie.
Uh, legs so far apart,
knees slightly bent. - Ooh!
- Make sure you're nice and balanced over the ball.
- Wow. Woo!
Johnny, I gotta tell you, you have a sensational stance.
- Well, I've been golfing for 30 years, Roland.
- Wow, I like that.
There's one thing I don't like about it,
and let me show it to you.
- I don't think I was asking.
- Well, I think it's better that we show Stevie,
than just talk about it, don't you?
Right? Okay. So just first off,
spread your legs just a little wider, if you would, for me.
- All right. - There, see, Stevie?
they've gotta be like, sort of like even with the shoulders,
and if you would just pop the old tush--
just go, bam!
That's it, and now loosen up a little bit.
- Okay. - Yeah!
- All right, you know what, Roland,
I think I should be showing you,
because I don't really think you know
what you're... doing.
- Yes, right. - Okay now grip, very important.
- Yeah? - Are you using the Vardon grip?
- I am using La Var Don.
- Are you watching this, Stevie?
- Yeah, it was just a little hard to understand,
so I want a record of it.
- Okay, delete that, please! - Can I get a copy of that?
- Yeah.
- Oh hi, Moira. - Hi.
- I thought that Roland might still be here.
- No, it seems our mayor is keeping summer hours.
- Gotcha.
Jocelyn...
it's really good to see you out and about.
Yes, I was starting to worry.
- Why? - Well, I happened to be chatting
with our dear little Twyla about her party tonight,
and she mentioned that you have yet to RSVP?
And I thought, that's not the Jocelyn I know.
What must've felled her?
- I'm fine. Here's the thing.
These parties are not great.
Last year it went until 3 am,
and Twyla just wandered around kind of winking at everybody
until she realized she hadn't picked a murderer.
And then the year before there were three murderers,
and one of them actually robbed the cafe!
- Well, I hear this year is going to be very different.
Twyla apparently sought counsel.
Expect thoughtful party favors,
themed cocktails,
first class catering.
- I thought it was a potluck?
- You, Jocelyn, are the mayor's wife,
you are the self-appointed leader of the Jazzigals,
and most importantly,
Twyla worships you.
- She does? - Yes.
This party has real momentum now.
And with you attached,
it's no less than a snowball gathering speed,
picking up bodies as it rolls downhill.
- And that's good? - Very good.
- (Laughs)
Well, I guess I could talk to the other Jazzigals.
I just wish I hadn't thrown out that flapper dress
from Halloween last year.
Oh! - Spread the word!
Be the snowball.
- Be the snowball!
- Okay, it's just that I misplaced
my high school diploma when we lost our house.
No, I wish it was a flood.
Okay, well, chasing down the paperwork
seems like a lot of work.
No, I know that--
I know that your courses require a lot of work,
I'm just-- What if it was a flood?
Okay, fine. I will call you back with the paperwork. Thanks.
(Phone beeps off)
- Um, what's going on?
Are you looking at courses now?
- Um, I'm just putting some feelers out.
A lot of people have encouraged me
to build on the skills I acquired
as creative director of the Blouse Barn, so.
- Like who?
- I thought it could be good for me.
- Okay, well, this is sort of my thing, though.
- I really don't think you can claim education
as your thing,
and I don't even think I'll be able to take those courses
'cause the stupid people at the college
wouldn't just take my word for it
when I told them that I had a high school diploma.
- But why do you need it, though?
- To prove that I graduated high school.
- Well, it's not like they're gonna be like,
"Oh, you don't have your high school diploma,
you can't come to our college."
- That's almost word for word
what they just said to me on the phone.
- Well... - I just don't think I have that kind of time.
- Okay, what are you doing? - Reorganizing my knits!
(Car rumbles)
(Birds chirp)
- Oh, there they are. - Oh.
- Mr. Rose, Ms. Budd.
- Yes, please call me Johnny.
Always nice to put a face to the name.
- Oh, I see you two came dressed for the occasion.
- Always ready.
- I like your visor. - Thanks, it's new.
- So I hear there's quite a few new developments at your motel.
Uh, we'd love to hear about them,
why don't we have a seat?
- Oh, you wanna have the meeting inside,
on a day like this?
- Sorry, did you think we'd be playing a round?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We-we had a meeting earlier at another club,
and they wanted us to test drive the course,
so we're in the attire.
- Oh, where were you playing?
- Uh, we were playing at um...
it was what course, Stevie?
It was down the road.
Uh, Maple...
- Grove? - Grove. Maple Grove.
- Maple Grove?
No, I don't know that one.
- Oh, really? It's a beautiful course.
Very exclusive, Uh, but it is set...
way back off the road, it's--
- Which might explain why you've never seen
or heard of it. - Yeah.
(Birds chirp)
Johnny: So every room will have wi-fi,
and upgraded beds, uh, working toilets,
which probably sounds like something
I don't need to mention
but, you know, just covering all the bases.
- Well, that sounds great.
Um, it's just that um...
we've been talking to the Elmington Moto-Lodge,
and they've got coin laundry, and a Jacuzzi.
- Well, we can certainly put in a Jacuzzi.
- Yeah, Jacuzzis are very popular with our golfers.
- Well, as an avid golfer myself,
I can tell you that when you buy a golf package,
you don't necessarily want to spend the entire weekend
sitting in your room.
(Managers laugh)
- Well, thanks for coming by.
- And definitely let us know when you've got that Jacuzzi.
- Yes, we uh, we will.
- I guess that's all, that's it now, thanks.
- Yeah, well, listen, it's, uh, still early.
Do you guys have any other Plans this afternoon?
- We have another meeting.
- Oh well, you know what they say,
too much work...
(All laugh)
- Well, thanks for coming in. - Okay.
- You go on ahead. I'm just gonna go use the restroom.
- Oh sure, might as well use some of the amenities.
(Car whooshes by)
(Dogs bark)
- Hey.
Um, you know those courses we were talking about?
- Oh yeah, I thought that data management one
looked like it might be good for you.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, I had the same thought,
but when I looked into it, all the courses were full.
And then the courses that weren't full
conflicted with each other,
and then everything just cancelled out.
- Alexis, if you don't wanna take the course,
you don't have to take the course.
- No, there were courses that did look very interesting.
Um, it's just kind of complicated.
- Yeah, but it's so worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to college.
Pub nights, frisbee in the quad...
- Hmm! - Late night hacky sack.
- Mmm. - We got some serious sack circles going.
- Oh, so many sex circles.
- Sack. Hacky sack.
We always hoped they'd lead to sex,
but... still.
College, so crazy.
- So crazy.
Um...
Okay, the thing is...
I can't go to college,
yet.
Because I didn't finish high school.
- Oh. - I know. It's so embarrassing,
and I never should've taken that semester off.
But I did meet Beyonce in Mykonos,
so it was almost worth it.
- Didn't you say on your resume
that you did four years at UCLA?
- Yes... technically,
if you consider Bel Air an extension of the campus,
which everybody does.
This might sound crazy,
but I almost think I should finish high school.
- That doesn't sound crazy at all.
And truth be told,
it took me a minute to finish high school myself.
- You're only saying that to make me feel better.
- No, no, me and some friends, we just got in a car,
and took off. - Really?
- Yeah, we were following the American Idol tour.
We missed a couple shows,
but it's always the exact same set,
so... no regrets.
- Um, I really wish you hadn't told me that last little bit,
but... thank you.
- That makes two of us.
- Good round? - Not bad.
Greens are a little fast, but I like that.
- Me too.
- I've given a heads-up to the starter.
The tee is yours.
Have a great round, you two. - Thanks so much.
- How did you make that happen?
- I asked.
- Well, that's very nice, Stevie!
Thank you.
- Okay, let's get our golf sticks.
- David,
and why am I not surprised to see you in here?
- Well, this is my room.
- Well, it's disheartening to see you like this.
- Did you know that according to IMDB,
Rosa Parks was in an episode of "Touched By an Angel?"
- Exactly, David.
You are bored, lethargic,
and practically dripping with ennui!
- Okay, that's a bit much.
- I blame myself.
I've set a standard of activity and engagement
so high you don't even try.
- Okay, I am on a much needed respite
whilst in between jobs.
- You are squandering your social capital.
A tastemaker like you should be out there,
tasting things!
- Uh, I'm at the buffet,
and there is nothing to taste!
- Well, there's a party tonight, as a matter of fact.
- The murder mystery thing? - Why not?
Does this town not deserve to have a marquee guest
like yourself grace their humble soiree?
- Speaking of marquee guests,
I'm surprised you're going.
- I can understand why you'd say that,
but don't you just know Twyla would be thrilled
to have as many Roses there tonight as possible!
- (Sighs)
Fine, I will make a surprise appearance.
- Good. - But it's twice around the room,
and then I'm out. - Is there any other way?
Oh, and it's Roaring Twenties themed,
and I know you have a soft spot for seersucker.
- I won't be dressing up.
- Aw, say, don't be a dewdropper!
Throw some concealer under those peepers,
make like a swell, and go put on the Ritz!
(Birds chirp, grass rustles)
(Grass crunches underfoot)
(Thwack)
- Woo. Good golf shot!
- Thank you, Stevie.
Ah...
(Golf cart starts up and rumbles off)
(Crickets chirp)
(Clinks) - Oh!
- John, are you going to be done soon?
- Just working on my short game, Moira.
Stevie and I are pitching Oak Valley next week,
I just wanna make sure I'm ready.
- Well, the endless tinking of putter to ball
tells me you will be.
- Well, it's for the motel.
It's not like... I'm enjoying this.
(Phone rings) - Ohhhh!
Beautiful! See that?
(Phone rings) - Ahem!
Rose residence.
- Uh, where are you?!
- May I ask who's calling?
- You know who this is, and you know where I am.
- Did everyone show up?
- Yes, everybody showed up.
- Good, then my work is done.
- Uh no, your job is not done.
You guilted me into coming here tonight!
- And you're better off for it, David.
You should thank me.
Twyla was set to throw a fiasco until I exerted my influence.
- Uh yeah, and the way Twyla keeps asking
about where you are,
I'm pretty sure you're the murderer.
- Then they'll never catch me.
- Ugh!
- Who was that?
- I don't know.
Moira: Alexis, we sent you to high school in Switzerland
because we trusted you!
- That school cost $250,000 dollars!
- I know, and I felt so bad about it.
And that is why I missed my final semester.
- Wait a minute, we were at the graduation!
- Yeah! - I know, but I wasn't.
- We saw you there!
- Did we, though? - Yeah, we were there.
We might not have stayed through the "R's."
I think we left halfway through the "L's."
- Oh, yeah, it got very repetitive.
- No, I distinctly remember a celebratory lunch
at the Hotel de Ville, in Crissier,
and you'd had that unfortunate run-in
with the spray tan machine.
- Mm-mm. - No, that was-that was me.
- Ah! Yeah!
Then how do you explain this graduation photo?
Huh?
- That's Jess Chang!
- What? Jess Chang? - Ugh!
- Well, who can tell with all this hair
in front of your face?
- That's not my face!
- Okay, why didn't anyone come to my graduation?
- Well, you didn't graduate in Switzerland.
- And whose fault is that?!
- How long have you been carrying that around
in your wallet?!